January 14, 2013

Kicking and Screaming

That's me, right there in that old photograph, kicking and screaming because I wanted to go swimming. That's my dad, the man with the smile as he gently tries to put my shoes back on and take me where I don't want to go.

I'm kicking and screaming again, after all these years.

My dad passed away on January 3, 2013 after a 13 year battle with cancer that left his body with literally no immune system.  He gave it a valiant effort, but in the end, the fight was just too large and his body just too weak.

I boarded a plane on January 2 to fly across the country to be by his side in his last days.  I'd never been down that road before, that road that ends with losing a parent, and I found myself kicking and screaming as I was being dragged down it against my will.

The days that followed are nothing but a blur now.  I'm back at home after twelve days, feeling like I'm slogging through mud.  I'm trying to decide which road to go down now.  How does one go down any road when their world is no longer the same?  I'm kicking and screaming yet again, at the thought of carrying on with the tasks of every day life that seem insurmountable right now.  How will I do it?  Hopefully with grace and perseverance, as was modeled by my dad, one day at a time.

In the meantime, please know that one day soon I'll be back to posting on a regular basis.  For now, please keep me in your prayers.

Pam

10 comments:

  1. So sorry for your loss, Pam. I lost my mother a year and a half ago after a battle with cancer. Even though you know they're not getting better, it's still hard to let go. Sending you my thoughts and prayers (and to your family as well).

    xoxo

    Carrie

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  2. So sorry to hear about your dad, Pam. Take care.
    Tracey

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    1. Five words for you, and all of us.


      One. Step. At. A. Time.

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  3. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.....

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  4. So sorry for your loss!!! Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers! (((((HUGS))))) One day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time, one second at a time with one foot in front of the other... remember to take care of YOU!!!

    Sue

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    1. Thank you so much, Sue. There are definitely up days and down days. I appreciate your kindness!

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  5. So sorry for your loss Pam. One never fully understands how hard it is to lose a parent until it happens. Your memories will always be a treasure in your heart.
    Great picture!
    Thanks for sharing your creativity. I'm sure your dad was/is proud of you.
    Robin

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    1. Thanks Robin. I really appreciate your comment.

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